Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
