About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
