She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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