ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
