I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
