do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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