hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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