i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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