Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sext me about skeletons
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
