i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
