Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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