Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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