True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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