So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
