Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
