I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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