ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
