last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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