That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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