and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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