so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
