It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
