She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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