Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
