i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We have started to decorate penises.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
