You're so nebulous sometimes
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
