I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
