I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
