just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
