Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
