i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would ride that face into the sunset
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
