No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Never underestimate the power of titties
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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