Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
