So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
