i don't like sucking hair
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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