Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
