I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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