she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
