I feel like I'm in dance class right now
that's an acceptable place to lick
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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