who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
