I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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