I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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