So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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