i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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