She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
