Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
