My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
