Don't make out with my wife yet
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize