me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
