Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
