that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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