somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
