That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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