omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
