Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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