He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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