I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
