my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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