I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I cut my penus on the lid.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
