I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
