Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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