"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
