i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
