Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Of course I have a pirate flag
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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