Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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