During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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