So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
