Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
