you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
