get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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