Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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