why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
