TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
