"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize