it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
