Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
