soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
