For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm like, not good at living.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
