Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
