It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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