this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do vagina's smell?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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