Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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